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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

January 7, 2017

The Other Side of the World

Find out where the other side of the world is from your location at antipodr
According to the website, the other side of the world from here is in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

other side of the world

Which means that, even if I dug a really deep hole, I wouldn't wind up in China.

December 7, 2016

Encounter With Santa

I went to get some water yesterday evening, but the Culligan store had suffered some vandalism and the vending machine was boarded up. I drove out to the water kiosk in the mall parking lot to use that one, then after I was done, decided I'd get some gasoline at the station at the entrance to Walmart.

While I was pumping my gas, a van drove up next to me and Santa Claus got out! I told him "Hey, man! Why haven't you been to see me lately? It's been over 40 yrs.!"

He looked up from putting the gas nozzle in his tank and wryly said:

"Well, you must've been a BAD boy."

Hard to argue with that!



November 2, 2016

Mule Medicine

To cure a cold, kiss a mule.


I'd hate to think what you'd have to do for a fever.

October 30, 2016

Boney Dreams

Dreaming of a skeleton on display may signify new, fascinating friends or coming events.

Or, it could mean you've got a hankerin' for some ribs.

October 27, 2016

Halloween Tang Toungler


Try saying this tongue tangler three times fast:

"Which witch wished which wicked witch?"

October 23, 2016

TWI - Talking While Intoxicated

From the   Email animation  archives

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious

Transubstantiation


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

"Thanks, but I don't want to have sex"

"Nope, no more booze for me"

"Sorry, but you're not really my type"

"Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?"

"Oh I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me sing...."

September 29, 2016

Living in 2016

From the  photo email10.gif archives.


YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2016 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries...

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic, and you turn around to go and get it .

10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list .

September 27, 2016

The Head of Bob



From the website:

The Ultimate Oracle: Over 1625038 Questions Answered

Of the many True Oracles, none are more profound than the Mystical Smoking Head of 'Bob'. Not even the Severed Head of Arnold Palmer can penetrate the veils of bulldada protecting the Norms from the Terrifying Truths and Puzzling Evidence.

Concentrate and ask a Yes or No Question

Oh By The Frop Of His Pipe, Grant Me Vision!


With the recent death of Arnold Palmer, I'm wondering if they'll change that particular gruesome reference.  Probably not, though.

I asked Bob if I will win the lottery:

(click for larger view)


September 20, 2016

The Worm Didn't Turn

Cute 404 page on The Food Channel:


I was a little disappointed I wasn't able to find the recipe for Chicken Alfredo Soup right away, but I guess it's like real life; it's better to bite into an apple and find a worm than biting into one and finding half a worm.

September 14, 2016

Difficult to Prove

Man, these "prove you're a human" things are getting harder and harder.   I had to go find my glucose meter for this one.


September 10, 2016

Cukes Cause Pukes

A little too close together in my Facebook news feed: